These posts are maybe a way of improving that, even if no one reads them, I'm hoping to find an outlet to help organize my thoughts. Maybe we can figure it out together.
I'm going to start with being extremely open right now, I'm going through some serious shit in my head. A lot of it comes from loneliness and possible some "first world" problems. I don't like saying that though. Depression is depression. Finding your purpose in any cultural situation can be arduous, and honestly has taken all of my mental capacity.
Therefore I needed an outlet to help ground me a little. Most of the time when I write its during an irrational outbreak, an anxiety attack or when I'm about to make an impulsive decision, so basically you'll be in my head during my most vulnerable moments.
All I can tell you is I'm tired of being...tired. I want to just live this life to the fullest and I don't want any negativity to control what I am capable of accomplishing.
I believe that time is the number one healer and I'm hope that time and this writing will help keep my sane.
I'm starting by trying to get to know myself a little better. I want to know what causes the irrationality. I want to know how to fix it. I want to be whole again. I want to be free.
I want a lot of shit is what I'm trying to say. I do not want my mindset over anything else to be controlled.
What a lot of people don't understand is that mental disease is predisposed in our genes. Our genes are designed to respond to certain stressors in the environment. To change that response is to change our environment. Impossible?
Maybe we should change our mindset. You might ask if our genes determine our response to the environment how would we control our mindset?
At the moment I try my hardest to just forget about the shitty situation. I think my brain goes through so much stress that it just shuts down. Just like if someone was coming at me with I knife, I probably wouldn't move. It's the "fight or flight" response. But I want to be able to work through the situation and come up with a logical solution.
My next steps are to bring back simplicity. Learn how to just survive. We are such a complex species, today more than ever. Technology has caused people to multitask to the extreme. We are expected to accomplish so much in a day. It's hard to remember we're JUST human and we can't control the world; we shouldn't want to.
To conclude we can review my goals:
- Continue writing-figure out what makes me tick.
- Change my mindset-understand how to change my way of thinking about a situation.
- Become a simple being-simplify my daily dosage of life, slow down and enjoy the little things.
This blog is extremely personal. I'm sharing to create a community of supporters. Please don't think negatively about what I'm writing down. Although your own personal opinions about my thoughts are welcome, please don't criticize the process I'm going through.
Thanks,
Cat
